So, say, you call things off with someone for the fifth time or so and you know it is IT. IT IS OVER. What, nearly two months ago?
And you make it clear. And the talking part is over and he’s no longer in your contact list on your cell phone.
And your last response to him told him you were no longer comfortable with the email banter back and forth every week and it was time to say goodbye.
Well, is it bad to hit “delete” when you get three more emails from him? How about two more after that? And not respond? I mean, WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT HERE?
Yes, we shared about 8 months together. Half of which was wonderful and adventurous and felt like a team and partners and well into love in many many levels.
The other half was abusive and spiteful and competitive and manipulative and was squashing my self esteem. And in return, I was causing him anxiety and causing him to drink and get angry and downright mean. And then turn the next day into a sweet loving caring apologetic man.
I also need to note that these emails are similar if not identical to about ten others I have gotten and not responded to.
Did I already ask the question: WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT in these emails? Is he selling himself?
I hope that you had a great Fourth of July weekend and you were able to get out and about and have some fun. I went into Boston for the fireworks and the Pops. Oh, and Rascal Flats and had a great time. I then went up to Portsmouth with my sister Jen and met one of the Top Chefs, Andrew, and I also met Rae Dawn Chong…I don’t know if you know who she is, but she has been in a lot of movies and is the daughter of Tommy Chong of Cheech and Chong fame. I recognized her right off and began talking with her. Evidently, she lives in Durham, NH as well as LA and Vancouver. It was really kind of wild because I really liked her in a couple of her movies when I was a kid.
I’ve also been going out fishing a lot and getting lots of lobsters; big ones, in my traps. I haven’t been out clamming since the flats opened last week, but I hope to on Saturday. I’ve been working out a lot so I hope that I not too sore afterwards, but you never know as I probably haven’t been working the same muscles. I’ll see I guess.
I have also been sticking with my Mom’s food program and I feel and look a whole lot better. Between it and exercising a lot, I’ve lost almost 30 lbs. and dropped 4″ off my waist. I’m really feeling good about it, not to mention the extra energy that I have. Also, by cutting out the flour and sugar and the alcohol, my mood has improved dramatically . I don’t feel anxious or tired anymore and never do I feel so angry that I can’t cope constructively with any situation. It really feels good.
I had BB (his 95 year old great aunt) at the Emergency room the other night. She was extra confused, kind of listless and she couldn’t stay awake. I was really worried. As it turns out, she was mildly dehydrated and had the start of a urinary tract infection. She now has an antibiotic and is starting to get back to her “old” self.
Everyone else is well. I have S (his son) the week after next for vacation and I’m really looking forward to it. I don’t know what we’ll do exactly, but we have many options. One thing that we’ll probably do for sure as long as the weather remains hot is go to Water Country again. It was so much fun yesterday, that I bought a season pass for the both of us. Now we have to go…
Well, that’s about all I can write now and probably more than you care about so I’ll close for now.
Again, I hope all is well with you and your daughters and you’re having a great Summer thus far. Good luck with any new relationships you have formed. I hope that you eventually find what you’re looking for in one of them. It still saddens me that I wasn’t it enough for you to want to make it work.
Take care of yourself and be careful out there. Not everyone is as understanding about things as me.
Best regards and, dare I say, love,
Steam
Please do not misinterpret my last e-mail. I know you’re probably eons away from the place you and I shared last year and life is much better for you without me in it. I can and have accepted that, but I wanted to say ‘Hi’ nonetheless. That’s all. Best of luck with with everything in front of you.
I still love you, for what it’s worth, even if you don’t care, I need to tell you. Even after all this time.
AND THEN
the next day, I got these two emails:
Subject: Just so you know…I don’t think I’ve said it, but THANKS!
…for all of the wonderful things that you did for me and my family while we were together…thanks for all of your gifts…from the french press, to mending my shorts, washing the quilts, baking me pies, cooking me dinners, welcoming me into your family, the books, the paintings, the t-shirts, the notes, the lessons you taught me, the feelings we shared and the LOVE! Thank you for EVERYTHING!!
I didn’t realize it until now, but I am really thankful for what we shared, extremely saddened that it ended, but grateful to have known you…
No matter what happens between us going forward, I will never forget you or what we once shared…I wish that there was some way to regain it…oh well…
Thanks again, best regards, hopes, wishes and LOVE…
Subject: More random thoughts…hopefully the last…
I also apologize for challenging you so much. Now that I have a clearer head and with hindsight being 20/20, I have come to realize what I was doing to you, to us, very clearly and I have a lot of regret surrounding it all. I realize now that what we shared wasn’t a lie. I know it was genuine. However, my behavior, coupled to yours, really made it impossible for either one of us. I thank you for your patience as well as the passion that you put into making us work. I realize now that with the way we were acting as people, we couldn’t go on together. That is why I am trying to identify and resolve any issues that I have right now so that I don’t go through life repeating them. They stem mostly from me not really being in my right mind. It really is amazing to me how much better I feel, how much clearer I think and how much more energy I have without the sugar/flour/alcohol. I mean I am not tired and irritable anymore so it has really freed up my mind. Subsequently, the insight I’ve gained so far is tremendous. It’s almost my epiphany!
Well, again, just random thoughts I’ve had since going through my process.
I hope you had a great day and were able to enjoy the weather to its fullest.
Best regards,
So, say, you call things off with someone for the fifth time or so and you know it is IT. IT IS OVER. What, nearly two months ago?
M, if anything can you email him back to find out exactly how he lost his 30lbs?? i don’t believe it was just by cutting out flour and alcohol- i mean unless he consumed more alcohol than water- oh wait, ok never mind!
good thing you’re ignoring. keep it up- he’s just odd
There are many red flags in there, and I’m sure you see them too. Keep ignoring. Yes, it’s sad, but so totally the only path you can take for the health of you and your girls.
If you don’t want to delete, you can set up an email rule to put them in a folder. then you can either delete the folder or only look at it when you’re feeling good and strong. Of course, after several weeks of not looking at them you won’t even want to.
take care.
I think you need to set up a folder and keep the emails (don’t open them!) because now, he’s starting to act a little scary (in my humble opinion).
Stick to your guns and dont respond. It sounds like he’s making a new spin on an old routine. Dont fall for it.
I hope I am not overstepping my bounds to comment but I am going to chance it and say that you are doing exactly the right thing to ignore these emails. I think it is clear that he is trying every tact he can think of from newsy, to apologectic, to telling you what you are doing is right to get you to respond. This is NOT respecting the boundaries that you have raised. A man that has boundary issues is not someone that I would want in my life or in my children’s lives. No means NO.
I wish we could go see Mama Mia together – you share your Junior Mints and I will share my popcorn. And we will both sing – loudly!
Well that is weird. I wonder what his reasoning is for sending those emails, what is he trying to accomplish. I mean after you didn’t respond to the first one, and the second one, you’d think he’d get the clue and stop sending them. I agree with everyone else to just ignore them and like someone said, you could set up a rule so they go directly to a separate folder so you don’t really have to see them.
I had a boyfriend who was like that, except he would call me and at first I didn’t have caller id. I got it pretty quickly and after a few months, he found someone else to stalk. Just keep ignoring him.
Oh, sweetie, a plague is upon you. It’s a plague because he’s working so hard to make it seem he’s all right–very, very all right–without you, but actually he’s crumbling and wants you to feel that. Reading these took me to a place I only feel when I read the slightly-off emails I get from a 37-year-old alcoholic student I had this past year. The similarities are freaky.
[...] some of the emails he sent? I was getting about five a day in the end, some were angry, some were apologetic, some were poems, [...]