I’m not really sure how things are going with the kids other than that they seem to be adjusting pretty well. Red’s hand washing has gotten alot better. She still pulls some quirky things, like not wanting to touch a library book after her bath, or open the car door. She has stopped washing her hands every ten minutes and has not woken me up in the middle of the night either (to wash her hands).
I know that deep inside, Red must have some sort of deep 8 year old conflict between loyalty towards her dad and loyalty for J. She adores them both and I only hope she never feels guilt for enjoying the man who now lives with us. I suspect that some of the extreme behavior lately has stemmed from J’s return and the slight changes. Even if they are good, I know it causes some anxiety, just because it is “change”.
Fortunately, we talk alot. There is alot of nurturing going on between all of us and J is so great to not make a major slam into the household. He’s spent some of the last two weeks up north cleaning out his apartment and getting affairs in order after being gone for six months. So it has given the girls some time with him here, but also still, with me, alone…with him gone.
I am grateful that he kept his Monday night gig that is two hours north. He is happy to be visiting with his mom and sister and her family, make extra money, as well as give us some balance back here with the girls. It’s a way to ease into things here.
In terms of changes, they are small-ish, other than the big one, where the man is home. He has clothes here and music equiptment and brought his new dvd player to replace our crappy one. But other than the keyboard in my bedroom and the duct tape chair, no changes have been made in the house.
Except that J is here most of the week. Which apparently, she loves. I see no weirdness when they are together. It is AWESOME.
And as for Blue, she just goes with the flow.
I’ve been cranking through projects with J being gone right now up North. I finished my last commission that came in since my last show. It’s up at the top of the post here. I am nearly done with the thirteen (random number) paintings that go up in a large group show in three weeks. I’m finally getting homeowner’s insurance on Thursday. I’ve got lists and lists of things to do for and with J, here around the house.
But here I sit browsing Hulu.com.
And I am in awe at all that is on there.
Who knew that you can watch Silver Spoons on the internet? And The Partridge Family?
Anyway, I am jumping around here, and am going right into conversations we had in our household this past week:
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Red: (to me) Mommy, when I grow up will I have medium sized boobies like you?
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Blue: (upon learning that I was getting my hair cut) You should make it long so you can braid it like Laura Ingalls Wilder. That way you can never grow up, like her.
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Red: (screaming) I NEED TO WASH MY HANDS! Apparently, the 2nd grade teacher made an announcement in class about Swine Flu. Unfortunately, someone also told her that a baby died. Over the course of the last few weeks, she has become completely compulsive about washing her hands and being clean. So badly that I am considering taking her to the doctor who can explain to her about antibodies and how Swine Flu is not gonna be touching her if she waits more than ten minutes to wash her hands. It got so bad last week, she woke me up at 4am to wash her hands. She wont touch things like her clothes or doors or even her stuffed animals unless she washes her hands after. This is a big problem and I learned she isnt doing it at school and I decided it will likely go away by the time school is out and we we are at the beach every day rolling around in seaweed and sand and catching sealife in the nets. Until then, I am ignoring it and not responding or giving it attention because it seems to bring the anxiety level up in her. It is so so sad to see. I realize my anxiety over her behavior is making her more stressed out. So I have to cool it. (update, this appears to be resolved!)
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Me: I’m a rockin’ girlfriend, aren’t I?
J: Yes, you are.
Me: I’m a rockin’ girlfriend because I bought you some lube to take with you on your trip this winter.
J: (laughing) Yes, you did.
Gotta love the lube, girlfriend. Makes those lonely nights a little friendlier.
heh.
Not that I would know or anything….
I am glad that the girls and you are getting along well with all the changes. I find that my girls feel only as guilty as their mother makes them feel. Not saying that your ex is making Red feel guilty but pay attention to how she is when she comes back from his home.
I hope the transition process keeps moving along so smoothly.
Ha! Medium sized boobies are the best.
I can see that my oldest daughter would probably react like Red. Hmmm…. something I never thought about before. Not that I need to worry about that any time soon!
OOOO…you are a good girlfriend….(I’d do that too btw!!!
) Guys are guys.
I’m glad your daughters hand washing has gotten a little better. Whenever my daughter is getting ready to go visit her father she reverts back to having “night time” accidents. It’s strange how kids deal with their feelings.
You sent him with lube? Was something stuck?
Nothing was stuck Mike. J needs to apply the lube before he sits at the piano. Got to get those fingers ready to play.
Right?
I love the mindfulness you guys are using as you transition and the balance you’re working to create. You’re a wonderful mom and I hope you know it.
love this painting so much…btw the painting you gave me last year for my birthday is on my mantle in my bedroom–my mommie about to give birth mantel