Archive for October 13th, 2006

I’ve been stepping over junk for the last week or so and have been somewhat rejoicing over it. What it means is that I have finally rid myself (slowly over time) of the obsessive tendencies I had somehow picked up in my young adulthood from my mother, who has increasingly gotten stranger and stranger every day in her older age…or at least, I am realizing the more I get to know her as an adult, she has always been a strange duck.I have finally rid myself of the urges to pick up every frickin’ thing the moment it hit the floor.

To clean every speck of dust every day. To wash every dish the minute I finished my meal, short of licking it clean. I’m not slob by any means, but I dont rush to do the laundry every 6 hours. 
My living room floor is covered with Crayola markers and torn pieces of paper that say backwards in my lefthanded five year old’s writing, “I love Mommy” and “I can jump” and “chock-late is nice”. The three year old just keeps drawing pictures of “Mommy” with a big green nose and earrings that date back to Cindi Lauper days. Next thing I know, she’ll give me leg warmers.
I step on seashells, sand, plastic horses, bits of string, pipe cleaner flowers.
After two years of single motherhood with my two young daughters, I have gained tools to deal with baggage dating back to when I was a kid, because it all begins when we are kids, you know, “they” say that our “messed-up-ed-ness” comes from our childhoods, the parenting we had or didn’t have.
Here, you will read about some of it. Some of it, you will have to find between the lines. And sometimes I might write about things as simple and meaningless as the two damn flies that have been circling my living room for the last two days. I killed one a hour ago and the other one seems stuck between the window and screen finally. Which means, hopefully after a light frost tonight, it will be dead on the sill in the morning and I can vaccuum it up tomorrow…..I mean next week maybe.
I’d say that our whole lives can mess us up if we let it. I lived with it, messing me up through young adulthood, marriage, divorce. In a relationship now with another man for the last two years, I am attempting to step over the junk and use that baggage to “carry on”.

Here’s to Stepping Over the Junk.






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