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Archive for July 8th, 2008

I got naked and soaked in the bath tonight and continued reading “Seeing Me Naked” by Liza Palmer.

I’ve been hiding it from Red because she can read and the last thing I want is for her to read the cover and go back to her dad and say “Mommy is reading a book called “Seeing Me Naked”!

Yeah. There are many reasons I divorced him.

And his lack of reason was one of them.

So, even though the book isn’t about actually physically GETTING NAKED it got me thinking about how I miss the whole getting naked thing.

I miss the feeling of being naked, in bed, with someone pressed up, sometimes just for a night, sometimes a few nights is nice. And sometime, maybe I will be ready for “forever”.

In actuality, the book is about a woman stripping herself naked internally so others can see, specifically the man she is with and fallen in love with.

I got to thinking about how often I have stripped naked with family, friends or a love.

And my answer is “not often”.

It’s kind of like, in relationships, I go full force with it, exposing myself, and then I just stop. I stop because, well, it’s just what I do.

So that takes me to thinking about friends.

I don’t really have very many, for one.

But the few ones I make a priority seeing, is because I love who I am when I am with them. Partly it is because of how they look at me and make me feel. Partly because I can say what I think, how I feel, and they still look at me with the same eyes and love me the same. And I feel the same for them.

Something was in alignment this past week, a week I call “Summer Camp”.

While my children were away, for once, I didn’t lock my door and pretend I didn’t exist in the community.

I had enough alone time, a few days where I didn’t leave other than a walk or drink with “D”.

I drove to Boston to a client’s house and spent five hours having lunch and presenting a large portion of my portfolio to her. And I walked away with a significant amount of work missing from my collection…and a big fat check.

I had a doctor’s appointment that confirmed I was healing from abnormalities that I’ve been medically testing every few months (fun fun, doc appointments every three months!), for the last 18 months… and that I a) will not be having the planned surgery and b) am in less danger of cervical cancer this time around because everything seems to be disappearing. My immune system is finally boosted with much work and concentration and working for me in stead of failing me.

I spent hours at a time on the beach with my ipod and book.

I spent hours at a time on the beach with some friends.

I met a piano man, sang in the bar and drank way too much.

I stayed up way too late every night and woke up very very early.

I wonder if I can let someone see me naked, completely naked.

I wonder if I can ever be that for someone else.

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