I got naked and soaked in the bath tonight and continued reading “Seeing Me Naked” by Liza Palmer.
I’ve been hiding it from Red because she can read and the last thing I want is for her to read the cover and go back to her dad and say “Mommy is reading a book called “Seeing Me Naked”!
Yeah. There are many reasons I divorced him.
And his lack of reason was one of them.
So, even though the book isn’t about actually physically GETTING NAKED it got me thinking about how I miss the whole getting naked thing.
I miss the feeling of being naked, in bed, with someone pressed up, sometimes just for a night, sometimes a few nights is nice. And sometime, maybe I will be ready for “forever”.
In actuality, the book is about a woman stripping herself naked internally so others can see, specifically the man she is with and fallen in love with.
I got to thinking about how often I have stripped naked with family, friends or a love.
And my answer is “not often”.
It’s kind of like, in relationships, I go full force with it, exposing myself, and then I just stop. I stop because, well, it’s just what I do.
So that takes me to thinking about friends.
I don’t really have very many, for one.
But the few ones I make a priority seeing, is because I love who I am when I am with them. Partly it is because of how they look at me and make me feel. Partly because I can say what I think, how I feel, and they still look at me with the same eyes and love me the same. And I feel the same for them.
Something was in alignment this past week, a week I call “Summer Camp”.
While my children were away, for once, I didn’t lock my door and pretend I didn’t exist in the community.
I had enough alone time, a few days where I didn’t leave other than a walk or drink with “D”.
I drove to Boston to a client’s house and spent five hours having lunch and presenting a large portion of my portfolio to her. And I walked away with a significant amount of work missing from my collection…and a big fat check.
I had a doctor’s appointment that confirmed I was healing from abnormalities that I’ve been medically testing every few months (fun fun, doc appointments every three months!), for the last 18 months… and that I a) will not be having the planned surgery and b) am in less danger of cervical cancer this time around because everything seems to be disappearing. My immune system is finally boosted with much work and concentration and working for me in stead of failing me.
I spent hours at a time on the beach with my ipod and book.
I spent hours at a time on the beach with some friends.
I met a piano man, sang in the bar and drank way too much.
I stayed up way too late every night and woke up very very early.
I wonder if I can let someone see me naked, completely naked.
I wonder if I can ever be that for someone else.
I’m so glad to hear the health issues are clearing up! What a relief that must be.
I’m glad you had a chance to have some small measure of intimacy this weekend. Listening, absorbing, accepting and approving can’t be over estimated. Yay! (even if he does live a long way away.)
First, I’m also happy to hear that your health problems are no more. Your past week seems like it was quite healing and thoughtful. And this new interest sounds mysterious and exciting. I personally like to think that things progress organically and naturally when allowed.
Wonderful and heartbreaking and it feels so ‘summer camp’, as you say: Brief, intense, over too soon. Then the missing and wondering how things would have unfolded had life actually worked out that way. At least there are still the possibilities.
Oh thank God. I know just the relief that comes with “improvement” in that area, and it’s enough to make you go all limp and weepy. I’m so, so glad for you, because that had to be really draining.
And I’m so happy to hear that you’re getting naked, which is a funny thing to write, but it’s a great thing. It can be so refreshing to open the windows and doors of our lives, let the stale air out and the light and clear air in. I’ve been in a bit of an emotional rut myself, mostly with some toxic friendships, but the past month feels like a turnaround…for my attitude more than the situations. Summer camp, HO!
🙂 There’s something wonderful about friends…specifically the boy variety…to warm a place in your heart that has been hurt or lonely or vacant for whatever reason. Friendships blossoming anew. 🙂 Its exciting. 🙂 And without getting naked, it is nice to ‘get naked’ in front of a safe man. Someone who already knows your heart. There’s something huge and magical about already knowing who someone is and exploring further. I’m right there with you. 🙂 Enjoy reveling in the warm squishies of what it is. Even though he’s miles away, time will reveal all things. Heart strings are flexible to span the miles. 🙂
What an interesting post! Very revealing in it’s own way too.
Wonderful news about the health issues.
There’s nothing like the human touch, both physically and emotionally. I’m glad you had that. I truly believe that if it’s meant to be, it will work out. I hope it does for you.
Sounds like a very revealing and intense weekend…and time well spent.
As for things that feel easy, I used to wonder if those “temporary” relationships were so open and easy simply because there was no future to consider, so it forces us to focus on the present. That in and of itself can be quite liberating.
There weren’t enough happy faces in my last post, so I thought I’d add a few more… 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 LOL!
First of all, that title is deceiving. I’m just saying I was expecting something else 😉
Seriously though, it totally sounds like you had a summer camp crush, but it also sounds like you were able to relax and live life for a week. And great news on the health issues!
i love the honesty of this post.
After reading this post, it got me to thinking of whom I “got naked” for and I must say I don’t think I’ve been completely naked for anyone and that is a sad commentary.
Resonates very closely with me…
I am thinking of you….
And sending a only good thoughts you way, sending them off on the winds and hoping they migrate all the way down to where you are sitting on the beach with your ipod and book…
Great post. I never worried about quantity of friends, it’s quality I look for.
Since Mrs. Joe left, I “got naked” and realized I will be better off without her. I stripped myself down and concluded I can still be a good dad and move on alone.
Eventually I will “get naked” with someone else, too.
I’m so happy to see the good news on your healing. All the work you’ve put in has paid off. You have a beautiful soul, my lady.
Hugs,
Hey I just asked….
[…] Posts I kinda feel like, well…So this is where I am nowUPDATE: just in.Seeing Me NakedHazardsAnger and becoming baldBad, Bad FoodJust a list of stuff #1 True friend Because […]