Archive for August 19th, 2008

I ate a pint of icecream the other day. All at once.

And last night took a hot bath with a People Magazine, eating Cheetos and drinking rootbeer.

And due to rain and chill, the arthritis in my back was acting up.

Ibuprofen wasn’t helping.

But it is warming up, to beach weather again. The girls have headed out of town for ten days with their dad and return next Monday. I’ve cleaned my house top to bottom, cut a dent in the pile of paperwork and invoicing, painted, slept, walked, run errands…and it is only the third day.

I went to the Piano Bar on Friday night, kind of by accident. I was working that night as well as figuring out some things on my new MAC (did I mention that I love it?) and the phone rang. It was my friend who plays the piano there…and I am thinking “why would he be calling while playing?”

I hear him playing the piano through the phone and he says “come on down, why don’t you? There’s plenty of seats!”

So I hung up after a semi-promise/”maybe I won’t be there, don’t be surprised” sort of answer…and then looked at all the shit piled up around the house, in my studio, and shrugged, grabbed my keys and walked out the door.

Due to the massive rainstorms that night, very few people had ventured out. All but about twelve of us sitting around the piano bar. It was awesome and intimate and kind of romantic. There I had a few drinks and sang a bit and because of the weather, the piano bar closed early. Piano man said over the piano “there’s a great band next door, want to go?” So we walked next door and grabbed a drink at the bar and stood there for the last hour of the night.  I was acutely aware of the piano man next to me, who is also my guitar teacher, who is also the one I’ve gone out with a few times recently, previously mentioned. 

It felt really nice. And fun. And easy.

Laughter has been the theme the last few weeks, amongst guitar lessons, swapping music and talks, getting to know each other the old fashioned way. Hanging with him makes it easy to feel uplifted and not dragged down by my own stuff. My own stuff just kind of takes care of itself and I don’t feel terribly burdened by it. It’s still there and I recognize it and understand it but I don’t put as much weight on it right now. And for that I am glad.

That’s all I have to say about that right now. 

Speaking of laughter:

My friend, “Mo”, I will call her, is often already pretty wasted by the time I see her out on the weekend. You never know what will come out of her mouth, even sober. When she appeared in the Piano Bar, she gave me a hug, and blurted out “We were at a house party down the road and were going home to have sex but heard the music and had to come here instead.”

The girls are having a good time, despite that I left Blue with her father on Friday night (and her sister), crying and clutching me, not wanting to go, because she thought I might be sad. That kind of sucked. But later that evening she called, wanting to tell me about her new bathing suit for her trip.  The previous day we’d been at the beach and she spent the day on my lap. Every now and then, reaching up to hold onto my face and every now and then asking how many days she would be gone. “Ten” sounded like alot to her, but any time I tried to fudge the truth a little by giving her the whole “one week” answer, Red would pipe up “TEN days”. Blue can count to ten and it sounds like alot to her. Hell, it’s alot to me.

But honestly, I fucking need this. 

I miss them, but I need this.

I refuse to feel guilty about it.

And refuse to feel guilty about going out and meeting friends, or staying in and watching tv. I refuse to feel guilty about my plans for the beach on Wednesday, with a book and ipod and good beach food and isolate myself from anyone I know and just be on the deserted island I am going to create for myself.

There is another band playing on Thursday night, after a cocktail party at my friends’ house nearby, we will venture down the road to the place where the band is playing. And there I will also meet the piano man later on in the evening for some more time that I expect will be good again. It’s nice for a change to just have a good time without expectations or pressure, intensity or drama.

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