Archive for November 11th, 2008

I like to think I have an instinct about people, especially after carrying on in relationships that were both physically abusive and controlling. Even if I stayed with someone, it didn’t mean I didn’t recognize the signs…I just didn’t feel I was strong enough to break out of a pattern that I had followed most of my life.

A few times in the last six months or so, I’ve actually turned to a friend or J and said “this person gives me the creeps, something isn’t right.” Or, I’ve seen the way a family interacts and know that something is off.

Whether it is physical or emotional, or just plain strange, I feel it to the core.

It’s weird, it’s like I developed another sense, keenly in tune and paying attention more to those around me. There are people who I feel are being beaten. Others I see purely safe and happy and secure where they are. One I see seems mentally unstable and I avoid like the plague because it feels unsafe for me to interact. 

Out of the blue, an aqcuaintance asked me if I would have coffee with her some morning. I found it strange since we’d basically been waving to each other through the car windows for the last year. But she’s creative and always upbeat and a nice person to have around, so we met a few days later.

I come to find out that she was interested in finding out about my divorce process and how it worked. This included a request for a good attorney’s name.

It also included full disclosure for some reason, on her part, right there smack dab in the middle of our town coffee shop.

First, I come to find she wanted a divorce from her husband.

Then she says he refuses to give her one.

And in the end, she tells me that he has hit her “a few” times and the last time, her 3 year old daughter saw.

And then she had the gall to say to me, “I just don’t want my 10 year old son to see, that would kill him.”

So I took it upon myself to do something I’ve never done before, merely because I have never been in the position to do so. 

I told her that she was hurting the kids by staying in the marriage if he was hitting her, in front of the kid, even worse. I told her that even though it was “just” a three year old who saw, once, she will see it again and again and again, and so will her son. 

I looked her square in the face and said, “LADY, HE WILL KEEP DOING IT, WHETHER YOU THINK IT OR NOT.”

I was so frustrated, hearing her excuses for him and for herself and excuses why to stay with him and what his reasons for hitting her were. It made me angry because it was like I was watching myself in one of my abusive relationships and I saw how weak I was once. 

Oooooh, that sucked.

We parted ways and I haven’t heard from my friend since then. I ran into her today and she said “Oh, Movin’ (insert my name here), I HAVE to update you!”

So, at some point I will get an update.

But I have to say, I’ll continue to be hard on her if she talks to me about it. Especially if she stays. Moreso if he continues to hit her. If she talks to me about it (and it seems she’s avoiding me), I’ll be hard on her.

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