Archive for December 3rd, 2008


I was thinking of cancelling Netflix to save ten bucks a month but I decided to keep it.

It’s like a little present in the mail every few days. 

I remember the night we booked my flight to see J after Christmas.

He was watching football while I did the online work in finding the flight.

I suddenly had a thought and piped up, “I’m going to watch the entire Will and Grace series through Netflix while you are gone!”

As if this was going to be a productive and rare and awesome achievement.

J glanced over, as if to say, “did you really say that?” and smiled and said, “Okaaaay. That’s gooooood.”

For some reason it helps me gage the time better. I figure I can watch a few seasons before I fly down on Dec 27th. And then a few more before the next trip. And then finish up before he gets home on March 1st.

It’s kind of like how I haven’t shaved my legs since he left. It’s not summer or anything and if I vow to shave every Saturday, it means I will only be shaving THREE times between now and when I see him at the end of the month.

It’s kind of like how I haven’t quite put his underwear, tshirt and socks away from the laundry, that he left here from that last night. I put them off to the side in my bedroom where I see it every time I walk in the room.

His winter workboots that he wore on his way to my house the day before his flight, sit in my laundry room. And they will stay right there in front of the washer.

It’s kind of like, how I haven’t yet gotten around to changing the sheets we slept on last Wednesday. (okay, I plan to do that tomorrow, but I have mixed feelings about it.)

Time is ticking away and the “to do” items on the list are getting accomplished. I love my daily walks and the time with the girls. I am happy to focus on the creative process that I’ve been in the midst of since the summer when I met J. Inspired. 

Dammit, I miss him. Skype connected to the satellite often sucks and our conversations take a while to clear and if they don’t we miss that day of normal communication. I do feel like someone hit a big pause button. Merely because he’s there doing his stuff. I’m here doing mine. And to intertwine our lives right now, well, aside from daily updates of “I did such-n-such today”, is pretty much non-existent. 

Ah well. That’s the nature of these things.

Monday night the girls and I got our tree. Yeah, I know. A bit insane to have it so early but honestly, it’s only a few more weeks and when Christmas is over, I literally boot the thing out the door. When Christmas is over, it’s over for me.

And right now, even though it only just started, I am ready for it to be over.

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