Archive for the ‘The Girls’ Dad’ Category


After my morning chat with J on Skype, THE INTERNET WENT OUT.


What’s a girl to do?

I was about to do some online bill paying.

I was in the middle of sending a sketch to a client for some work I am doing and the damn internet went out.

I tried calling her because the email wasn’t going to go through right then. 


So I touched base with her via cell phone.

And then I thought, well, damn, I’ll just see if there’s anything good on daytime T.V.


Our provider, (I have a bundled package, obviously) I am sure, had some upset customers. The outage was widespread in about 5 towns.

For 6 hours.

Anyway, with nothing to do (and no, I wasn’t really going to sit and watch TV), I opened up the big huge trunk of photos and started a project that is tedious, but must be done. Millions of photos. Half of them are organized. Other half isn’t. I went through a mess of photos and sorted them by “child”. Red got a box. Blue got a box. The photos of the two of them together, gets it’s own box.

What to do with their dad?

Well, it was easy, if he was in a picture with them, I saved it and put it in their boxes.

If I was in the picture with him, well, I have the wedding album that I will save for the girls. So I dumped the other “me and him” photos.

If it was “me and him and the girls” photos, I saved them in another envelope and hid it underneath everything for when they are adults. 

Or for when I am dead.

It was a hard decision, because really, for me, I wanted to toss him in the trash. But I know he doesn’t belong there because he’s their dad. He’s a good dad. He was a sucky husband. And he is a fairly sucky ex-husband, but I know that in relation to most divorced folks, I have it pretty good.

Keeping the photos for the girls is important. I put them somewhere where they won’t be dug up any time soon by one of them, but one day they will have them.

I DID, eliminate photos of ex boyfriends. I always kept one of each of the guys who hurt me physically. I did it in case one of them ever came back and hurt me again or killed me for that matter. But now, I decided to pitch them. They are gone forever.

The next task is to finish looking for them all on Facebook and blocking them. 

I’m tired now from just thinking about the bill paying and other things I can do here on the laptop, even if it isn’t related to internet access, now that I have it.

I got online, thinking I missed a bunch of news in the world and I went to Google News. 

I discovered that the porn industry is looking for a bailout.


I clicked on a link from an email a friend sent me and GOT TO THIS

After I dehydrated myself so much from bawling, I decided to go eat a barrel of hummus with Ritz Crackers, some gummy fruit snacks and fizzy water. I topped it off with Halloween Candy I stole from my kids’ treat bags. I didn’t have the heart to steal their Christmas candy because it’s so new and all. But those Smarties really keep well. Then I cleaned out last year’s Valentine’s Day, Easter, and the Halloween candy. (I didn’t eat it, I threw it all away, except the Smarties. THOSE I ate.)

So I am going to do something old fashioned and fill up the bath (get in it) and read a book. 

And then I will go to bed before midnight for once.

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The girls loved staying in their pajamas today, since there was no school on “voting day”. Although it was 65 degrees, they wanted to go see High School Musical 3, something I promised a long time ago. In the end, I was able to run errands for my two upcoming art shows and I feel more organized. I also changed the sheets and opened the windows and did 4 loads of laundry and put the candle lamps in the windows and got the humidifier from basement set up in the girls’ room for the winter.

I’m glad that today I stopped pmsing because if I kept eating the way I was eating LAST week, I’d outgrow all my pants and NOT go into the holidays and winter on a good note.

Today was all about fruit and water and yogurt and whole grain bread and well, I couldn’t avoid the cheese, but cheese is better than two ice cream cones, Halloween candy and frozen cheesecake.

High School Musical 3 was as expected. Packed with kids. My girls were so excited. I had stashed our own water and a bag of gummy worms in my bag for the movie (despite the huge signs on the doors of the theatre saying “no outside food or drink”) because otherwise, we get raped when we pay for food at the concession. 

At the end, if you’ve seen it, remember when he tells the girl he’s going to go to college just 32 minutes away from her because he loves her? (sorry, I spoiled it) Well, I heard on my right, a little “aaaaaaaaahmmmmmmmm!” from Red.

And then my mind started going, because Red’s been mentioning this other 7 year old boy in her class, Joshua. She says his name about twice a day. Every day. Since school started.

Oh my, in ten years, she’ll be almost 18 and probably already had a bunch of crushes (and no dates, since she won’t be allowed until she’s a legal adult, if I can help it, that is).

It occurred to me too, when I went up the street to vote, with the girls in tow, that in ten years, she’ll be able to vote.

I wonder if I’ll be calling her like my dad called me today. When I answered he asked, “So, did you vote for the good president or the bad president?”

My ex-husband, their dad, called at the end of the night tonight and I heard Blue ask him who he voted for. And she came running in to me and yelled, “Mommy! Daddy voted for McCain to cancel out YOUR vote!.”

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At one every day I’ve been home painting and made myself a cappuccino with my favorite stovetop cappuccino maker. I was sitting there painting and kept hearing a squeaking near my ear while I was painting and thought there might be a bug buzzing around or something but in the end, it was my cappuccino making some noise. 

It was a little creepy.

And then I was thinking how much it sucks to have bought the girls some really great warm expensive down comforters for their beds for the winter, because if once in a blue moon (like last night), one of them pees in their bed, I have to wash it and I hate washing them more than I have to. Plus, I am scared of ruining them.

It was parent’s night at the school last month and I had it orchestrated where the girls’ dad had his midweek dinner visit with them, he would return them before seven, to my mother who was here to babysit…and I would already be up at the school.

For one of the first times in YEARS, their dad brought them home EARLY, as opposed to the thirty minutes late I am used to. And so unfortunately, I was still at home.

Which means, I couldn’t NOT walk up the street to the school alongside my ex-husband.

He had a good time with a few issues that are mute for me, but I am proud I didn’t get defensive. My favorite line, when my defense is over, or I have stated my position on something with him is “I don’t feel it’s productive to continue this conversation, my mind is made up, what else would you like to talk about?” It gets kind of humorous in my head when I see him flustered, but man, give it up already. Your persuasion and manipulation doesn’t work on me anymore.

I bought the James Taylor “Covers” album. I love JT. I am surprised he did covers. Why didn’t he just whip out another album? My favorite is “Seminole Wind”. It reminds me of a good quarter in college when John Anderson had his album out. It was a quarter I spent alone in a solo room, writing and painting and being alone. And no one was hurting me at the time. My neighbor and I used to blast it on her awesome stereo and jump on the beds in her room, for um, fun.

J and I went to a fair up north over the weekend together with some of his family. I thought my stock was going to drop when I announced I  needed to have fried dough. As in, I NEED FRIED DOUGH. But in the end, he had a few bites and had fortunately forgotten any bad feelings he’d had about fried dough from years ago. (as in, he hasn’t ever really fully experienced fried dough until now) And he admitted that it was rockin’ good. I love that.

Oh and yes. Did you catch that? I met his family. Getting to see a bit of his world was really fun and I didn’t realize I needed and wanted it.

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I go back and forth between calling Ex husband, “the ex husband” and “the girls’ dad”. Recently I was in a group at the beach and said something like “my ex husband will be with the girls for Fourth of July.” Red piped up from behind and said “DON’T CALL DADDY YOUR EX HUSBAND!”

I was reminded in my first discussion with Ohio, that it may ease things to address him as “the girls’ father” or “their dad”.

In thinking about it, I realized that it was better for the girls to hear it coming from my mouth. And that is priority number one. It is better for others to hear “the girls’ dad” instead of “my ex husband” because it insinuates a more pleasant feeling in our home, between the children, with their dad, with me. And for the most part now, it is. Even if things aren’t always pleasant, there is a good cause to at least pretend.

I also realize that I feel better omitting “ex husband” from my language unless absolutely pertinent, say, when relaying to the health insurance company that the subscriber is my ex husband. And so on.

So this is the part where I thank the girls’ father for sending home their leftover pizza from their Wednesday night dinner with him.

Around ten thirty last night, I opened the fridge to see if pickles and olives, and perhaps an english muffin, would satisfy…and saw the small box of leftover pizza sitting there.

Two pieces.

And two crusts with pint sized bite marks leading up to it. (if you have children, YOU know)

It did the trick. (per previous post)

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